They have those painting parties where groups of people pay twenty bucks and paint a picture according to instructions. I shake so bad that I was instantly taken down by Homeland Security for attempting to communicate with the enemy. Those places are fun I guess, if you have a steady hand and can paint. I … More I’m not the enemy!!
I’m really getting ticked off! Every time I try to get some money from my account, some guy named Ira tells the bank he’s going to take some of it for himself! I know! I’ve never even met the guy! Let’s face it, finances can be difficult for most people. There are so many ways … More Give me my dough!!!
When I was a kid, I really didn’t care much about school. I would much rather make people laugh than get good grades. One time I came home and told my Mom I got 100%! She was excited. I said, “Yep, I got a 50 in history, a 30 in English and a 20 in … More I got 100%!
We have 1,326 magnets on our refrigerator. And we don’t even have kids! We have grandkids but their pictures are all in frames so why in the world do we need so many magnets? The truth is we don’t and it’s really quite stupid. I just get the things in the mail or in a … More I can’t fit!!
The last time we checked into a hotel, the desk clerk asked us if we wanted smoking or non-smoking. Fair question. I said smoking. Then she went on a rant about how horrible it is for your health and well-being. She had no idea that I wasn’t talking about cigarettes. I brought along my new … More I’m not a smoker!
If I were an ocean creature, I think I would choose to be a shark￼￼. we’ve all seen episodes of the TV show where they catch all of ￼the crab. But very few sharks are caught, only the stupid ones. I would always check for hooks before I bite anything. I would also like to … More The crustaceans are coming!!!
The worst part about the protesters in Salt Lake City was the reporters ending their sentences with prepositions. Believe it or not, that joke sparked a verbal war on my Facebook page. Someone was really offended because they took that to mean that I was somehow OK with what happened to George Floyd. I know! … More You said what???
Here’s a little tip on how to keep your hair well groomed all day long. Plus, it’s way cheaper. ￼First dye your hair the color of peanut butter. Then simply use peanut butter as hair product. For a different texture, use the crying kind. You’re welcome. Your hair will smell great and other than the … More Put WHAT in your hair???
A friend of mine wanted to sell his car but was having trouble because it had 250,000 miles on it. I hooked him up with a friend who could manipulate the computer to read 50,000. I asked him if he sold the car. He said, “I decided not to because it only has 50,000 miles … More You knucklehead!!!
The last time I went to get my eyes checked, I told the doctor that I thought my eyesight was getting worse. He the pointed out the window and said “What do you see?“ I said “I see the sun.“ He asked “How much further do you want to see???“ Going to the optometrist is … More I can see clearly now…