I was talking to a friend this past week. My friend ran to his dad and told him the car wouldn’t start. “What’s wrong with it, son?” Said his dad. My friend said that there was water in the carburetor. he said,”You don’t even know what a carburetor is!”. “I know, but I’m pretty sure … More I’m so sorry!
I hate it when the local news here keeps going back to a ‘Breaking News’ story that was resolved an hour before the broadcast. I already know what I did, they’re just rubbing it in. It’s so ridiculous. They keep going back to the same reporter every five minutes to get the exact same ‘update’ … More I know what I did!!
Just when I thought it wasn’t possible, today I’m a bigger baseball fan than ever! Ok, so it’s because I gained 30 pounds during the off season, but still… Major league baseball is just a week from today! The smell of the freshly cut grass! Hot dogs! Nachos! Beer! The Crack of the bat! Juicing! … More The season is about to start!
I used to work for a large cell phone company. My new boss from outside the company wasn’t ‘tech savvy’. One day he called me in his office because his new computer didn’t work. He was standing, pointing the mouse at the monitor and said he couldn’t get the remote to work. I swear, it’s … More I’m Technologically challenged!!
I was cleaning the garage yesterday. Suddenly, the Christmas tree box fell on me. I threw it off and it knocked over the metal gas can, which caused a spark, ignited the gas and torched the garage and Heather’s car. I am now in the witness protection program. Have you ever had a chain of … More I’m in big trouble!!
It’s raining here, so the floor was kind of slippery at McDonald’s. Of course I was the one who slipped and fell. I hurt my knee, back, neck and leg. I thought about suing, but they offered me a free breakfast sandwich every week for a year! Score! I love McDonald’s breakfast. I really don’t … More I am McStupid
On this very day, 25 years ago, I was 39 years old. It’s not my birthday or anything at all significant. I just happened to think about that this morning. Carry on. It’s kind of like the joke, “Today I broke my own record of consecutive days alive.” It really does boggle the mind with … More I’m getting old!!
I learned something very important yesterday. Never yell, “Can we talk about the elephant in the room?” at a Weight Watchers meeting. The say I can come home once the swelling in my brain subsides. First off, I am the last one in the world to point out someone who struggles with their weight. Lord … More Can’t we just talk about this??
I finally got the chance to use my blow torch this morning. I opened a bag of Seattle’s Best coffee with it. I think they weld those things shut. There are certain products that are more difficult to open than a rusted submarine hatch. I actually think that package engineers do it on purpose under … More This is impossible!!
There is only one thing in my life that I’m sure of, and that is the love of my wife. Oh, and God. Um, my kids and grandkids love me too. Plus I have to pay taxes. And my dogs love me too. Ok, there seem to be lots of things I’m sure of. Life … More I only know one thing!!