A former mother in law, as her daughter was leaving, told me that she ‘broke her back’ and ‘worked her fingers to the bone’ trying to make a home for me and my children. Saying that I was unaware because each of those would have required immediate medical attention was apparently the wrong approach. You … More That had to be excruciating!
This morning I covered my ear with my coffee cup and could hear the ocean! I know! It was awesome until the pain from really hot coffee filled my ear. That hurt! Live and learn. Some things a person should be able to think through on their own. You know, like taking a lear jet … More Never drink coffee near the ocean!!
I was feeling philosophical once and I took a glass out of the liquor cabinet and filled it half full of scotch. I asked my parents if it was half full or half empty. My Dad said, it depends on whether you’re drinking or pouring. He downed the scotch and left the room. Well played, … More Half full? Half empty? I have no idea.
I love to mess with people. I went into a book store once and told an employee that I was looking for a book about turtles. He asked, “Hardback?” I said, “Please. And also with a little head, legs and a tail.” I thought it was funny. He was not amused. My odd sense of … More Where is that book???
When I was younger, my boss asked me,”Do you believe in life after death?” I said,”Of course.” He said “That’s good, because after you left early yesterday to go to your grandmother’s funeral, she stopped in to see you.” I really liked my new job. I think you can only use the ‘dead relative’ gag … More Way to go grandma!!
My friend, his daughter Beth and I were at the mall and ran into another friend of mine. After introductions, he said to my friend, “And what is Beth short for?” Her father said,”Because she’s only 4, you idiot” I find it interesting the way we shorten names and other words. For example, you’ll never … More I’m a little short!!
I was in a bank. A boy was holding a can full of change. He put a nickel in his mouth and swallowed it. He couldn’t breathe. A man stepped up and did a heimlich maneuver on the boy. His Mom asked, “Sir are you a doctor?” He said, “Nope, IRS agent.” He put the … More Hey, that’s my nickel!!
I wish I was a farmer. That would be cool. You work with your hands and machinery and grow whatever will grow in your part of the country. You eat what you grow and you go into town for supplies once a month. Wait. I watched a western last night. Too much work for me. … More I have to plow the upper 40!!
I have so many seizures that I got a job at Home Depot mixing paint. Anyone with a chronic condition must be able to laugh about it once in a while or it will get to you. My condition causes short term memory loss. Every time we pick out a movie to watch, I pick … More I don’t remember!!
I’m so disappointed. I got all excited to learn that Jerry Day is August 4th this year! I know! Then I find out that it is just to celebrate Jerry Garcia! The guy already has ice cream named after him, so they really want to rub salt in that open wound? Sure, Jerry Garcia was … More It’s Jerry Day!!