Ok, this is going to be a little longer than normal for me, but I swear it’s all true and you’ll enjoy it. A few years ago, I came from my neighbor’s house to come home, just as it was getting dark. An old woman I didn’t know called me over to the bus stop … More I swear it’s the truth!!
More than once, while playing a song, a listener called into my show and told me they could hear me. I said, “Great! Thanks for listening. Where are you?” He said, “It doesn’t matter, you idiot. I can hear you on the air NOW!” Oops. Forgot to turn the mic off. The broadcasting business can … More They hear me!!
A friend and I met up at a night club. When he got there he told me, “See those girls over there? When I walked by one of them said nine. She digs me.” I said, “I hate to tell you this but when I walked by they were speaking German.” I’m so glad I … More Are you kidding me? I’m hot!
I thought about writing a joke about time travel but only three of you liked it. I wish time travel was real. I don’t think I would want to see what’s in store in the coming years, but I would definitely love to relive many moments in my past. Most of them would involve successful … More I want to go back!!
I got my haircut last week. Heather said she was going to get a drink at Starbucks. The salon clerk said “Ma’am, you’ll need to leave us you’re drivers license. We need to know there’s something you’ll want to come back for.” I don’t enjoy haircuts. Ironically, I like the way it looks and feels … More I’ll be back!!
They have those painting parties where groups of people pay twenty bucks and paint a picture according to instructions. I shake so bad that I was instantly taken down by Homeland Security for attempting to communicate with the enemy. Those places are fun I guess, if you have a steady hand and can paint. I … More I’m not the enemy!!
I’m really getting ticked off! Every time I try to get some money from my account, some guy named Ira tells the bank he’s going to take some of it for himself! I know! I’ve never even met the guy! Let’s face it, finances can be difficult for most people. There are so many ways … More Give me my dough!!!
When I was a kid, I really didn’t care much about school. I would much rather make people laugh than get good grades. One time I came home and told my Mom I got 100%! She was excited. I said, “Yep, I got a 50 in history, a 30 in English and a 20 in … More I got 100%!
We have 1,326 magnets on our refrigerator. And we don’t even have kids! We have grandkids but their pictures are all in frames so why in the world do we need so many magnets? The truth is we don’t and it’s really quite stupid. I just get the things in the mail or in a … More I can’t fit!!
The last time we checked into a hotel, the desk clerk asked us if we wanted smoking or non-smoking. Fair question. I said smoking. Then she went on a rant about how horrible it is for your health and well-being. She had no idea that I wasn’t talking about cigarettes. I brought along my new … More I’m not a smoker!