Check mate!

Ladies are much more smarter than men. For example, women would never say ‘much more smarter’. That’s just poor grammar. Our wives can get us in checkmate very fast by just asking a simple question. “Does this blouse look too small?” Checkmate. Game over. In comedy, you hear phrases like that all of the time. … More Check mate!

Witness protection!!

I’m currently raising money for my 2020 presidential campaign. This is way more expensive than I thought. I honestly don’t know if I can get on the ballot. I’m certain I could get on it dishonestly, and it will probably come down to whatever nickname Trump gives me. Maybe ‘The Bomber’ because of my act. … More Witness protection!!

Backwards you fool!!

I asked my friend Jake, who is an avid diver, why the divers always fall backwards into the water. He said, “Dummy, if they fell forward they’d still be in the boat.” Um, oh yeah. I should have figured that one out myself. The problem is, I still don’t know the real answer. When you … More Backwards you fool!!

April fool!!!

Last year on April Fools Day, I told a police officer that I had committed the murder they couldn’t solve. Before I could say “April Fools!”, I was on the ground, cuffed and whisked off for 8 grueling hours of interrogation. They were not happy about my prank. I need to think these things through. … More April fool!!!