I used to golf with my friend Jake. Heather recently asked me why I don’t play golf with him anymore. I said, “Would you play golf with a guy who moved the ball with his foot when you weren’t watching?” She said, “Of course not.” I said, “Well Jake won’t either.” I used to love … More What??? I Don’t Cheat!!!
In Oklahoma, an Arby’s manager shot and killed a customer. True story. “Arby’s, we have the meats and the guns.” A whole new level of customer service was unveiled at the restaurant when a patron got in an altercation with the manager, threatened and spat on her before leaving. He came back later, ended up … More Arby’s. We Have The Guns!!!
A little girl was feeding bird seed to her cat. Her mother asked her why. She said, “Because my parakeet is in there.” I’ve written before about my love for birds. They just amaze me. Yesterday, my friend Dennis told me there has been a woodpecker pecking the stucco on the side of their house. … More My Cat Gave Me The Bird!!!
I was talking to a friend this past week. My friend ran to his dad and told him the car wouldn’t start. “What’s wrong with it, son”? Said his dad. My friend said that there was water in the carburetor. he said,”You don’t even know what a carburetor is!”. “I know, but I’m pretty sure … More Because I Said So!!!
I hate it when the local news here keeps going back to a ‘Breaking News’ story that was resolved an hour before the broadcast. I already know what I did, they’re just rubbing it in. It’s so ridiculous. They keep going back to the same reporter every five minutes to get the exact same ‘update’ … More Ok, I Get It Already!!!
Just when I thought it wasn’t possible, today I’m a bigger baseball fan than ever! Ok, so it’s because I gained 30 pounds during the off season, but still… Major league baseball is just a week from today! The smell of the freshly cut grass! Hot dogs! Nachos! Beer! The Crack of the bat! Juicing! … More I Can Smell The Grass!!
I have gout again, and I love it! Your foot swells up and every step feels like you’re walking on a broken foot. I’ve heard that ‘at least when you feel pain, you know you’re alive’. Um, I know I’m alive because I still have to pay taxes. I’m gonna track that guy who said … More I Feel Alive!!!