A man named Sonny Gilligan was recently shot in the back with a shotgun while sitting in his vehicle. The culprit? His dog! I know! He had his three dogs in the back seat and his shotgun was back there too. Somehow, the dog got his paw on the trigger and fired. Not surprising, after … More My Dog Shot Me!!!!
Last week I told Heather I needed to go to the doctor’s office. She asked, “Which doctor?” I said “No, just our family doctor.” I’m not sure what a witch doctor does. Do they only treat witches? Do witches even have health insurance? Glinda Care? I don’t think they make enough cash to pay for … More I Need To See A Witch Doctor!!
The phrase ‘No pun intended’ has always baffled me. A pun is a pun. If it gets a reaction, just take credit for it in your mind and move on. Maybe your intentions are good but the flow of your presentation is interrupted. Yeah, I know. Every single pun I’ve ever told has been intended. … More Yes, The Pun Was Intended!!!
Tonight I will dress like an Internal Revenue Agent. As the door bell rings I’ll tell the kids who I am and then take 40% of their candy. They have to learn sometime, right? Halloween is crazy. Our kids are taught all year long not to take candy from strangers, except for Halloween when they’re … More Ding Dong!! Twick O Tweet!!
I learned that when your wife asks you, “How can we save money on our utilities?”, don’t say, “You could start by not burning dinner every night.” Those cast iron skillets really do hurt. My Mother-in-law can’t cook. She can nuke food, order in or dine out. When I say she can’t cook, I’m talking … More It Was Just A Joke!!!
I have a great idea! in baseball, why not combine the designated hitter and the designated driver? The DH could drive all of the drunk people home. Win – win! The day after the World Series and the Super Bowl are the two most depressing days of the year for me. I guess after the … More It’s Over??? It Can’t Be!!!
I absolutely love baseball. Last night’s game was almost too much. Everyone was exhausted. 18 innings and more than 7 hours. I didn’t want to turn it off so each time Heather asked, “Is it over yet?” I said,”No honey, they had to start over. Go back to sleep.” I think last night’s game was … More Over Seven Hours??? Are You Kidding Me???