Words never heard, anywhere: I can’t wait for the next Steve Guttenberg movie! Ok, that’s mean and it’s not his fault. In fact and more to the point, he’s not a good actor, but he ended up landing quite a few juicy movie gigs. That’s great marketing on his or his agent’s part. I’m really … More Don’t say that!!
My friend Steve really needed a new laptop for college but he also wanted to ‘pop the question’ to his girlfriend. He took her to dinner and surprised her on one knee with a beautiful engagement ring. Then he asked, “Megan, will you do me the honor of buying me a new laptop?” I don’t … More The answer is no!!
I don’t like the word ‘stuck’. There’s nothing good about it. “I’m stuck! Help me out! Ouch! I just got stuck with a pin! I have that stupid song stuck in my head! I got stuck in the back of the line! There are plenty more, of course. I move that we delete the word … More I’m stuck!!
My doctor is insane! He wants me to get down to my original weight, but that’s 6 pounds, 5 ounces! My therapist wants me to go on a Keto diet developed by a Dr. Axe. I don’t know about that. There are exactly 1,06,461 keto diet plans available. Since I donated a kidney, I need … More Diets make me crazy!
Yesterday I was messing around with my computer. Heather asked me what I was doing. I said “I’m trying to fix a problem. My pc says it can’t see my printer!” She said. “That doesn’t surprise me. Your office is a disaster. I can’t see your printer either!” I’ll admit, I do have a pretty … More Where did I put it??
Yesterday, we were on the way to a Bible study. We got a few blocks away when Heather realized she forgot her Chapstick. She suddenly did a better fish tail turn around than Jason Bourne and burned rubber all the way home. When she got back in the car she said, “That’s better.” I said … More I’m addicted!!
Yesterday the Fedex guy delivered my new thesaurus I ordered from Amazon. I consider it a must-have for all writers. When I opened it, every page was blank! I know! I don’t have the words to express my anger! Does anyone even use a thesaurus in paper form anymore? I use the one built in … More This is an outrage!!
I figured it out! Russia has been infiltrating spies for decades! Just think about the subtle comparisons. Cosmonauts/Cosmetologists. Who would suspect? And I’m pretty sure they get their assignments from special codes inside Cosmopolitan Magazine. I have been in touch with the FBI several times and they’re taking this very seriously. I wouldn’t be surprised … More The Russians are coming!!
A car full of nuns ran out of gas. They walked to a gas station but the clerk told them that all he had for them to carry the gasoline was an old bed pan. As they were putting the gas in the car, a man pulled up and said, “Sisters, I wish I had … More I’m out of gas!!
L I think the ‘experts should get their act straight. I’ve heard that every piece of bacon you eat subtracts seven minutes of your life. I don’t believe it! If it were accurate, I should have died in 1826. Besides, the seven minute total would take away that time when I’m really old and decrepit. … More I love doing crunches!