I’m allergic to alligators. I’m pretty sure that even one bite would probably kill me. People who suffer from food allergies beware! Yesterday my wife and I were about to watch a football game. We decided we needed some ‘football food’ so I ordered from a local restaurant. We ordered two mini cheese burgers, southwest … More I have allergies!!
I think I would rather be a baseball bat than a piñata, because the piñata gets hit pretty hard. When my kids were little, I only bought one piñata for their birthday parties. I don’t mean one for each party, I mean only one ever. Each time a blindfolded kid took a whack at it, … More Stop beating me!!
I hate the word ‘narcissist’ because I didn’t create it myself. I think a real narcissist is difficult to be around because they’re always thinking of themselves and nobody else. I like to hang out with those who always think of ME first and not themselves. I know! It’s not like I’m selfish or anything, … More Me, a narcissist???
I love to sing and really belt it out. My neighbors love it too because they keep pounding on the walls when I do, which I’m convinced is a call for an encore. They even had some police officers come over to listen. I can sing. Heck, almost everyone can sing. I’m not sure we … More The next American idol!
When my kids were little, I heard my daughter, Sarah scream in pain. I found my son, Eric pulling her hair. I told her he didn’t know it would hurt. I heard another scream, came back and my daughter said, “He knows now”. Why little kids do things like that is a mystery. I guess … More Don’t pull my hair!!
I have the perfect solution to keep your older car running well. Once a month, go look at the prices of new ones. I don’t know about you, but the new car smell always seems to fade quickly as soon as I make my first exorbitant monthly payment. I’ll never buy a brand new car … More I can’t afford this!!
When my kids were little, we were leaving Disneyland. My daughter waved and said, “Bye bye, Goofy.” My son waved and said, “Bye bye, Pluto.” I waved and said, “Bye bye, money.” I honestly have no idea how a family can afford to go to any of the Disney properties. Seriously, it’s crazy expensive. I … More I am broke!!!
I used to believe in Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny. As I grow older, I believe exclusively in the Tooth Fairy. She’s the only one that makes sense. There’s no way I can believe in a jolly old elf that can make his way to every house, hut and shelter around the globe in … More I’m not sure what I believe!!
Our fireplace is really just a space heater with phoney fire, but at least it looks fake. Not everyone can say that. Fake fireplaces, fake Christmas trees, fake wreaths, candles to make it smell like a wax forest in our homes. Even fake snow so the ski resorts can open early and stay open longer. … More You mean it’s all fake???
They say I have some irational fears. Seriously, is it not normal to worry that every ache and pain will be lethal? Is it wrong to think that rogue Tibetan Monks will swarm the house and force me to be a monk? I wouldn’t be able to speak or blog for two years!! Oh, and … More What do you mean I’m paranoid???