I have some brilliant friends (opposites attract) who are very quick witted. One of them writes CliffNotes for a living. I asked him about the process and he said, “Well, to make a long story short…” Yeah, I should have known. Who was this guy ‘Cliff’? It couldn’t be Cliff from ‘Cheers’ because his stories … More You’re Way Too Short!!!
We took Heather’s Mom to brunch. It was magical and by that I mean they had a guy doing table magic. I asked him how he did a trick and he said, “I could tell you but I would have to kidnap you, never to return.” I said, “I understand. Could you tell my Mother-in-law?” … More I’ve Been Kidnapped!!!
Last week, Groupon ran a Groupon on Groupon! I’m not kidding. I bought one and strange things started happening. My sprinklers now come on every ten minutes and I’m pretty sure that Heather is somehow stuck in the TV like in Poltergeist. I knew there was something evil about those things. I would get that … More What??? It’s Just Not Right!!
A friend was having marriage problems. He came home to find his luggage packed on the porch. His wife came out and said, “Go away! I hope you die a slow and agonizing death!” He said, “I’m confused. So now you want me to stay?” Divorces are a messy business. Very seldom does a couple … More Get Out And Stay Out!!!
Each time I called in to wherever I worked a regular job to tell the boss I couldn’t come in, I tried to make it amusing. Once I told the guy that my car wouldn’t start. He said, “How about the bus?” I said, “I don’t own a bus” and hung up. Comedy is different. … More I Can’t Make It!!!
Pride is what you feel when your kids raise $271 conducting a yard sale. Panic is what you feel when you discover your car is missing. It’s Spring and yard sales are popping up everywhere. There is a fine line between yard sale merchandise and trash. It’s usually measured by how close the ‘merchandise’ is … More You Sold What???
Instead of saying “May the fourth be with you” as I’m certain I’ll see all over Facebook and Twitter today, I super glued Legos all over my neighbor’s truck. It really looks like a star cruiser now. I also bought a one way ticket to Mexico. Adios! I guess a lot of Start Wars fans … More May The Fourth? Yoda, Yoda, Yoda – Blah, Blah, Blah…