This morning I covered my ear with my coffee cup and could hear the ocean! I know! It was awesome until the pain from really hot coffee filled my ear. That hurt! Live and learn. Some things a person should be able to think things through on their own. You know, like taking a lear … More Don’t Drink Coffee Near The Ocean!!!!
I was feeling philosophical once and I took a glass out of the liquor cabinet and filled it half full of scotch. I asked my parents if it was half full or half empty. My Dad said, it depends on whether you’re drinking or pouring. He downed the scotch and left the room. Well played, … More It’s Half Full!! Wait! Half Empty!! Oh, I Don’t Know!!!
I love to mess with people. I went into a book store once and told an employee that I was looking for a book about turtles. He asked, “Hardback?” I said, “Please. And also with a little head, legs and a tail.” I thought it was funny. He was not amused. My odd sense of … More Turtles On The Half Shell!!!
When I was younger, my boss asked me,”Do you believe in life after death?” I said,”Of course.” He said “That’s good, because after you left early yesterday to go to your grandmother’s funeral, she stopped in to see you.” I really liked my new job. I think you can only use the ‘dead relative’ gag … More Life After Death!!!!
My friend, his daughter Beth and I were at the mall and ran into another friend of mine. After introductions, he said to my friend, “And what is Beth short for?” Her father said,”Because she’s only 4, you idiot” I find it interesting the way we shorten names and other words. For example, you’ll never … More I’m Not That Short!!!
I was in a bank. A boy was holding a can full of change. He put a nickel in his mouth and swallowed it. He couldn’t breathe. A man stepped up and did a heimlich maneuver on the boy. His Mom asked, “Sir are you a doctor?” He said, “Nope, IRS agent.” He put the … More That’s My Nickel!!!
I wish I was a farmer. That would be cool. You work with your hands and machinery and grow whatever will grow in your part of the country. You eat what you grow and you go into town for supplies once a month. Wait. I watched a western last night. Too much work for me. … More I Have To Plow The Lower 40!!!!