Restrain yourself!!

I never know what to do when I meet someone who I’ve always wanted to meet, so I instantly make deep eye contact with them for uncomfortable periods of time before speaking. I’m convinced that they’ll never forget me. I have 47 restraining orders to prove it. Bill Murray is someone that I have always … More Restrain yourself!!

You drive me nuts!!

I saw my therapist a few days ago. She scolded me for missing my last two appointments because my condition is serious. I said, “I know, but I was just doing what you told me.” She said, “I haven’t told you to skip appointments!” I said,”No, but you told me to avoid people who irritate … More You drive me nuts!!

I’m so sorry!

I was talking to a friend this past week. My friend ran to his dad and told him the car wouldn’t start. “What’s wrong with it, son?” Said his dad. My friend said that there was water in the carburetor. he said,”You don’t even know what a carburetor is!”. “I know, but I’m pretty sure … More I’m so sorry!

I know what I did!!

I hate it when the local news here keeps going back to a ‘Breaking News’ story that was resolved an hour before the broadcast. I already know what I did, they’re just rubbing it in. It’s so ridiculous. They keep going back to the same reporter every five minutes to get the exact same ‘update’ … More I know what I did!!

I am McStupid

It’s raining here, so the floor was kind of slippery at McDonald’s. Of course I was the one who slipped and fell. I hurt my knee, back, neck and leg. I thought about suing, but they offered me a free breakfast sandwich every week for a year! Score! I love McDonald’s breakfast. I really don’t … More I am McStupid