I always hear people say, “He threw me under the bus”. That doesn’t make sense. I’ve tested it on three different people now and it’s so much easier to push them in front of a moving bus. Plus bonus, it’s really easier on the back. People say the craziest things. In matters of love, we … More Oh my aching back!!
Two comedians were having lunch. One of them said, “Man, I had the worst gig last night. I performed in a bowling alley in front of four people for free!” The other comic said, “Man, that’s brutal. So, uh, who books it?” (Credit to Bruce Baum) When you first start out in the world of … More Who books it??
I don’t understand the term, ‘working like a dog’. My dogs don’t work. In fact, they just lay around looking cute. That’s it. Oh, they pretend to protect us by barking at the front door when no one is there. I can do that. I can also sleep like a log. I’m very talented. I … More Sleeping like a dog!!
Sometimes I order food from ‘Uber Eats’ just so I can watch the car move to my house on the map. Easily entertained? Pretty much. I love the Uber Eats program. For those who might be unfamiliar with it, you download the app on your phone. When you open it, it determines your location and … More They’re coming!!
The next time someone who really doesn’t care asks me “How’s everything?”, I’m going to tell them everything. It will be the equivalent of someone asking Socrates, “So, whatcha thinking about?” I really don’t like insincere comments and questions, do you? Having said that, there are times when it seems appropriate. Like when someone dumps … More Everything is great!
I had an uncle who, when my aunt said she was going to ‘put on her face’, said “I hope it’s not the same one as yesterday.” I said I HAD an uncle. The service was lovely. I love the fact that my wife doesn’t wear any make up. She really has a natural beauty. … More That was a stupid thing to say!!
A former mother in law, as her daughter was leaving, told me that she ‘broke her back’ and ‘worked her fingers to the bone’ trying to make a home for me and my children. Saying that I was unaware because each of those would have required immediate medical attention was apparently the wrong approach. You … More That had to be excruciating!
This morning I covered my ear with my coffee cup and could hear the ocean! I know! It was awesome until the pain from really hot coffee filled my ear. That hurt! Live and learn. Some things a person should be able to think through on their own. You know, like taking a lear jet … More Never drink coffee near the ocean!!
I was feeling philosophical once and I took a glass out of the liquor cabinet and filled it half full of scotch. I asked my parents if it was half full or half empty. My Dad said, it depends on whether you’re drinking or pouring. He downed the scotch and left the room. Well played, … More Half full? Half empty? I have no idea.
I love to mess with people. I went into a book store once and told an employee that I was looking for a book about turtles. He asked, “Hardback?” I said, “Please. And also with a little head, legs and a tail.” I thought it was funny. He was not amused. My odd sense of … More Where is that book???