You broke my floor!!

I don’t know why people call their wooden floors hard wood. Who would use soft wood for their floor? That is ridiculous. I think I’ll make my next floor out of balsa wood just to freak people out when each step they take breaks the floor. “You broke my floor, man. Now you must replace it.”

I have floors that appear to be dark brown wood but the wood is fake. It’s a great floor. I have carpet in the other rooms. When I walk barefoot on the hard floor it kinda hurts my feet but then I walk on the carpet and my feet feel tremendous relief. I can hear them saying “ahhhh…”

I think I’m going to paint the floor green and drill some holes in it so I can play golf. Some people tell me to play golf in the back yard but that’s stupid. I can play indoor golf all year long. I want to get a good return on my investment. My long game is still going suck but by short game will be spectacular. I will rival Tiger Woods.

In the back yard in going to replace the grass with a giant trampoline. That would be fun. As I get better at it, I’ll do tricks. Back flips, summersaults and try to jump into the neighbors yards. Except for one guy. He has a Rottweiler and I don’t think he likes me because a couple of months ago he chewed off my left arm.

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