I didn’t move it!!

I used to golf with my friend Jake. Heather recently asked me why I don’t play golf with him anymore. I said, “Would you play golf with a guy who moved the ball with his foot when you weren’t watching?” She said, “Of course not.” I said, “Well Jake won’t either.”

I used to love to golf. I played a lot. In fact, I became quite good at it. I started playing with a guy who was in the PGA. I even beat him seven times! OK, that was an absolute lie. In fact, several lies. I did play a lot but I was always horrible and Jake is a good friend who tried to teach me how to play.

I just don’t have the patience for the game. Plus, I have the attention span of a gnat. I get bored very quickly and I don’t concentrate on how I’m standing, how my hips move during my swing, blah blah blah. To me, it’s a snooze fest. It’s like watching it on TV. I know! I think the announcers always whisper because they don’t want to wake you up.

The most fun I ever had playing golf was when a comedian friend and I played in November in the cold on a frozen course. It was awesome! The ball would roll forever! Plus we were the only ones on the course and didn’t have to pay. We were finally chased off by a very angry man in a pretty fast golf cart. Thinking quickly, I beaned him with a ball and he fell out of the cart and we got away. Now that was a fun day of golf.

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