I hope Heather gets amnesia at some point because after 20 years, I’ve run out of stories and funny things to share with her. She just gives me the eyes glazed over look.
The other problem is that this is my fourth marriage and she doesn’t really want to hear about funny things that may have happened while being married before or even with a girlfriend. So I’m done. I’m going to start making things up.
Like the time when I was an Olympic skier and I accidentally hit former sports announcer Jim McKay, knocking him unconscious. When he came to, he could only speak French. I don’t know if he completely recovered but I know he covered the Tour DeFrance. The French loved him. Talk about the agony of defeat!
Or the time when I was a trapeze artist in the circus. Just for fun one night, I purposely let go of my female partner and she fell 45 feet into a net. She was fine but the net was so twisted, it took 36 hours to get her out. They fired me, which I think was way over the top considering how funny and entertaining it was. She still drags her left foot a little but, hey, it’s the circus.