Once I bought a nice pocket watch. The sales guy asked me if it was for anyone special. I said “No, I’m just getting it for myself.” He said, “Would you like to have it in graved?” I said, “Yes please. I would like to read, ‘Dear Jerry, I give you this watch as a token of my love and affection. Know that I will love you forever. Love, Jerry.’
The guy was actually writing that down. I asked, “What the heck are you doing? He told me he was just doing what I asked. I said, “Did you miss the part about the fact that I am purchasing the watch for myself?” He said, “I just thought maybe you had some sort of positive affirmation.” “And I think you are having a stroke.”
Who would do that? Have something engraved to themselves? Maybe a narcissist. But I’m not a narcissist, in fact I hate that word because I didn’t make it up. Do you see what I did there? I can’t think of anything that I would have engraved to myself. Even my headstone is going to be written by someone else.
OK, maybe a nice gold or silver pen, with just my first name or initials. Oh yeah, and an Oscar and an Emmy. I don’t know what the big fuss is about those trophies anyone can get their own in Mexico for about five bucks. Plus you don’t have to give a long acceptance speech and bore people half to death.