You’re Slower Than Molasses!!!

I think it’s ridiculous to say “slower than molasses’ too much. It messes with the space time continuum. That’s so stupid. You don’t want to be playing around with something only Doc Brown understands. If so many things are slower than molasses, that means molasses is one of the fastest substances on the planet.

It’s like all of the people telling Thursday Fred Rogers he could sing. I used to watch ‘Mr. Rogers’ with my kids and he was certainly a great showman for children. Yes, children. As an adult when he began singing, I wanted to put a bullet in my head.

I think molasses is alive. Kind of like in the movie, ‘The Blob’. If you see this massive blob of goo headed your way, run for your life, and run like the wing because everything else is slower than molasses! If you’re in San Francisco and on a downhill street, f’get about it. You’re toast, which is odd because that’s what is so good with molasses. You will now become the latest part of the blob.

It’s just term that is spoken way too much, thereby creating a sinister monster. We need to be very careful what we say too much. Like the thing on Donald Trump’s head. If we speak about it too much, it will become ‘a thing’ and start slapping people on the head harder than ‘Slapsgiving” from ‘How I Met Your Mother’.

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2 thoughts on “You’re Slower Than Molasses!!!

  1. In January. You left that part out, which changes the entire structure of your premise! The expression goes … “XYZ is slower than molasses in January”. See, in January it is cold where they make molasses, and it can take up to a week for it to run downhill on an 18″ plank. So, by that reckoning, most things are slower than molasses in January. But, in July, when it is 90°, all bets are off. Now about that fake piece of s**t on Trump’s head …

    Liked by 1 person

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