I Said Only A Half A Cup, Moron!!!!

This is what I call myself every time I pour a cup of coffee and try to carry it over to the couch to enjoy it. If I try to take a full cup with the way I shake it never gets there. It’s spills all over everything. So I always take a half a cup because, I might be wrong, but I don’t think you’re supposed to spill more beverage then you drink.

This is the exact reason why I never frequent an archery range anymore. So far I’ve killed three people, and wounded six. They’re not very happy with me but I did get a wonderful bracelet for my ankle. Why am I not in prison? Because all six incidents were ruled accidental and no prison wants me there for the safety of the other inmates.

When I was in court I asked for a glass of water. The judge yelled “What are you, nuts? Do you even know why you’re here?” I said “Apparently it’s the death penalty because you want me to die of thirst.” Contempt of court? Oh yeah. But I will say that the other inmates thought it was hilarious so it was well worth it.

It’s kind of like when the carnival comes into town. I always go to the booth where you pop the balloons with darts and try to win the big prize. I frequented there several times before I actually stuck the Carney in the arm with a dart. Now when he sees me coming he just hands me the biggest prize and says “There you go, now get out of here.” Rude!

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