I figured it out! Russia has been infiltrating spies for decades! Just think about the subtle comparisons. Cosmonauts/Cosmetologists.who would suspect? And I’m pretty sure they get their assignments from special codes inside Cosmopolitan Magazine. I know!
I have been in touch with the FBI several times and they’re taking this very seriously. I wouldn’t be surprised to see another Robert Mueller investigation. I’m pretty excited about the discovery. So are the Feds. In fact, they said, and I quote, “if you call again were going to come and get you!”
I really must have hit on something huge and I wonder how high up the corruption goes? Our barbers and stylists have been asking a lot of questions of their clients forever. What better way to get intel? I suggest homeland security raid every barbershop and hair salon in the US and Newfoundland. I just suspect Newfoundland with no hard evidence but my gut tells me there’s something there.
Plus every subscriber to Cosmopolitan should be immediately water boarded to find out what they know. Names, dates, next assignments, all of it. Cosmos! I just thought of that one! Any American who studies stars and galaxies must be interrogated too. I need to call the FBI again. Since they’ll come and get me, it probably means I’ll be doing my research in a CIA safe house. You might not ever hear from me again.