I Feel Alive!!!

I have gout again, and I love it! Your foot swells up and every step feels like you’re walking on a broken foot. I’ve heard that ‘at least when you feel pain, you know you’re alive’. Um, I know I’m alive because I still have to pay taxes. I’m gonna track that guy who said that and make sure he really feels alive!

Anyone who has had gout will tell you that it’s the worst. It’s really impossible to walk without at least a cane. It’s hard to sleep because even a sheet touching it is gruesome. Hopefully my doctor will take pity on me and prescribe some medication to reduce the pain and swelling. If bit, I think I’ll (hypothetically) slash his tires.

This kind of attitude is really not my fault when I’m in this kind of pain. In fact, if I ever whack somebody, we’ll stack the jury full of people who have had gout and use that as my defense. I’d never be convicted. I know! I’m surprised no one has used that strategy before now.

I’ve heard of PMS defense, blackouts, mistaken identity, even the famous ‘twinkie’ defense. Never gout. That would have been so much easier for OJ Simpson. No dream team. No spending millions. Just ‘I did it because the pain of gout made me temporarily insane’. In fact, I think that would be a great story line for ‘How to Get Away With Murder’. I’m going to suggest it. I’ll keep you updated.

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7 thoughts on “I Feel Alive!!!

  1. I’m so sorry for your health troubles. But at least you can find the humor through the pain! That’s a great idea, “Your honor, the chronic pain of my illness clouded my judgement and drove me temporary insane.” I don’t think I’ve ever heard that used as an excuse before even on TV. Maybe in the 19th Century when it seemed like more people got away with horrible things.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. I’m so sorry for your pain! But … you are in good company, for it is said that Paul Manafort has contracted (does one contract gout, or does it just happen?) gout, and thus the wheelchair when he appeared in court. Feel better soon!

    Liked by 1 person

      1. Good!
        Although gout has often been used as comic foil from folk I know who have suffered it, it is no joke.
        Here’s wishing you a full recovery
        Best wishes
        Roger

        Liked by 1 person

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