I have gout again, and I love it! Your foot swells up and every step feels like you’re walking on a broken foot. I’ve heard that ‘at least when you feel pain, you know you’re alive’. Um, I know I’m alive because I still have to pay taxes. I’m gonna track that guy who said that and make sure he really feels alive!
Anyone who has had gout will tell you that it’s the worst. It’s really impossible to walk without at least a cane. It’s hard to sleep because even a sheet touching it is gruesome. Hopefully my doctor will take pity on me and prescribe some medication to reduce the pain and swelling. If bit, I think I’ll (hypothetically) slash his tires.
This kind of attitude is really not my fault when I’m in this kind of pain. In fact, if I ever whack somebody, we’ll stack the jury full of people who have had gout and use that as my defense. I’d never be convicted. I know! I’m surprised no one has used that strategy before now.
I’ve heard of PMS defense, blackouts, mistaken identity, even the famous ‘twinkie’ defense. Never gout. That would have been so much easier for OJ Simpson. No dream team. No spending millions. Just ‘I did it because the pain of gout made me temporarily insane’. In fact, I think that would be a great story line for ‘How to Get Away With Murder’. I’m going to suggest it. I’ll keep you updated.