Heather and I were at our favorite steakhouse. I ordered a rib eye. The waiter asked me how I would like it cooked. I said, Like winning an argument with my wife.” He said, “Very good, sir, rare it is.” Heather just smiled.
I used to be a “right fighter”. I had to win an argument even if I knew I was wrong. At a certain point, winning was all that mattered. One day I realized how harmful that behavior was and stopped. Ok, well it was after a fellow comedian hit me like a tornado at a trailer park.
When I came to, I realized that there might be a better, healthier way to talk things out. Now I pretty much bite my lip before speaking during a spirited debate. What gets me in trouble now is the lack of a filter as a comedian. When you’re on stage, you can pick on most anyone and you not only get away with it, the audience loves it and cheers you on.
I can say most anything I want to a bald guy without fear of getting slugged like Mike Tyson punching a tomato. Plus, people PAY to watch me do it. I think I should be able to carry a badge, much like a cop so when I insult someone off stage and they start to get aggressive, I just pull out the badge and they immediately begin laughing. I think I’m going to have one made and try it. I’ll let you know how it goes, along with the hospital and room number in case you want to send flowers.