I finally got the chance to use my blow torch this morning. I opened a bag of Seattle’s Best coffee with it. I think they weld those things shut.
There are certain products that are more difficult to open than a rusted submarine hatch. I actually think that package engineers do it on purpose under the guise of keeping the product fresh. Certain brands of champagne are that way. I have to use vice grips or just break the bottle. Those guys must really get a kick out of knowing what we’re going through.
There are other products with the same situation. Certain brands of string cheese need to be opened under a microscope, it’s worse than threading a needle without your glasses on. Why not put one of those plastic things where you just pull it and the product magically opens? Because those things don’t work either!
The days of feeling macho by being the only one in the house who can open a bottle of Ragu are long gone, which leads me to believe women are now the majority of package designers. What’s left? We used to start the BBQ with briquettes and five cans of lighter fluid just to be sure. Now anyone can simply push a button. The same with the fireplace. We had to chop wood, cut kindling – very macho. Now? Anyone just flips on a light switch. Guys, we’re done.