Life After Death!!!!

When I was younger, my boss asked me,”Do you believe in life after death?” I said,”Of course.” He said “That’s good, because after you left early yesterday to go to your grandmother’s funeral, she stopped in to see you.” I really liked my new job.

I think you can only use the ‘dead relative’ gag a couple of times at most without arousing suspicion. It even nearly backfired on Ferris Buhler, and that guy was good! Now days it’s so much easier to miss work because you ‘text’ in instead of having to rehearse before actually calling the boss.

My personal favorite worked every time. I would sound sickly with a gravelly voice and tell the boss I had the flu. If he or she told me to come in anyway, I would say, “Ok, but you should know I have explosive diarrhea and projectile vomiting. Your call.”

The most stupid excuse I ever heard, which didn’t work, was when a kid told the boss that he wasn’t going to make it in tomorrow because the weather was going to be pretty bad and his tires didn’t get enough ‘gription’. Yes, gription. Moron. He was working the next day.

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