Ding Dong!! Twick O Tweet!!

Tonight I will dress like an Internal Revenue Agent. As the door bell rings I’ll tell the kids who I am and then take 40% of their candy. They have to learn sometime, right?

Halloween is crazy. Our kids are taught all year long not to take candy from strangers, except for Halloween when they’re encouraged to take candy from as many people as possible, at scary houses from strangers, many of who will be disguised themselves. What could possibly go wrong with this plan?

Many neighborhoods are not the same as years ago when everyone knew the people that lived around them so parents weren’t concerned about them accepting candy from any of them. Today, I only know one of my neighbors. The others don’t even give the obligatory wave back. Well one does. I think the poor guy has had three fingers amputated.

So tonight we will have the porch light on and be friendly with the kids and give fake waves to the parents who stand awkwardly on the sidewalk. We won’t speak to them for another year, so we’ll eat the good candy ourselves. I’m just kidding! We already did.

Click here to check out my books and Stand-Up Comedy DVD!

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