I am completely fearless. It’s such a feeling of freedom! I’m just perceived as a ‘Man’s Man’, whatever that means. Wait a minute, I just heard a car in the driveway! It’s my Mother in law! I need to hide!
OK, truth be told, I have many fears and they’re not always rational. That’s why I see my shrink every other week. Right now I fear that someone I don’t even know is preparing to carry out a contract higt on me. I guess I should be thankful. It’s been years since anyone has hit on me.
I wonder what information I might have that someone would want to whack me for. I have three ex wives and many ex girlfriends. I wonder if it’s simply an act of revenge. If that’s the case, there is nowhere to hide. Women have crazy honing skills. Whomever it is will certainly find me.
Wait, last month I testified against Freddy Four Toes, a mobster who was trying to extort money from me. He went to prison for a long time and told me I was a dead man before he was taken away. You don’t suppose he was serious, do you? Nah, I’m pretty sure it’s one of the women.