Very Funny, You Jerk!!!!!’

Back in my single days, I had a gym membership. One day I saw a woman that I really wanted to impress. I asked one of the trainers which machine I could use to impress her. He looked me over and said, “I would try the ATM across the street.”

Men and women will do crazy things to impress someone they want to get close to. Well, mostly men. I remember being in a gym before Heather and I married. I really wanted to impress her. I was using the leg press machine and put more weight on it than I normally do. I ended up tearing the cartilage between a couple of ribs.

I tried to hide the pain as best I could but if you’ve ever injured your ribs like that, you know how difficult that can be. I screamed like a little kid being chased by the clown in ‘It’. I did it again a few months later while remodeling my comedy club and have broken them three times since. I’m a clutz.

I can’t think of any more stupid things I’ve done to try to impress a lady, but I’ll bet there are some. I think we’ve seen enough shows like ‘America’s Funniest Videos’ and other shows like it to see some disastrous results of men trying to do some complicated tasks outside while having no expertise. Now I just call a florist.

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