I Did It! I Meddled With The Election!!!

Ok, I admit it. I’m the one who meddled with the election. It wasn’t the Russians at all. They were just an easy target. My candidate, a guy named Mike, wasn’t on the ballot, so I had no choice. He lost anyway, so it’s a mute point. I’m sure I’ll be hearing from Homeland Security soon.

Mike deserved to win. He has some great ideas! I forget what they are now, but I remember they were pretty cool. I know he would have never hired Omorosa. He didn’t like her on ‘Apprentice’ and he doesn’t like her now.

Plus Mike is a good person. No secret tapes to dig up, no hush money payoffs. I did see him look at the cover of ‘Maxim’ once but only to tell the manager that it shouldn’t be in the presence of minors. They were moved.

I think Mike’s only real problems are drug related. Opioids, Crack and heroin. Plus he takes a little coffee with his Bailey’s in the morning. Not a problem. The Secret Service can monitor dosage and while he’s under the influence, they’ll keep him away from reporters, telephones, Twitter and the nuclear codes. I’m going to vote for him again if I can remember his last name.

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