Yesterday was a weird day. I decided I would do whatever was on my mind without thought of consequence. So I stole a white duck, a Rolls-Royce convertible (I kicked the sales guy out the door and took off) There’s more. A lot more…
I even let the duck drive. Some people say they can’t, but trust me, I saw it with my own eyes. I ordered 42 pizzas from Little Caesars to an address of an empty house. I don’t think I’ve ever heard that kind of language before. The guy cursed for 93 seconds, then called his boss and cursed for another 37 more.
They kept calling my cell phone and I swore I lived at that address, was having a party and my guests were very hungry. I accused them of ruining me by destroying my social life because of their carelessness! What I didn’t count on was the police discovering that I owned the cell phone and tracking my location. They took my duck, my Rolls and made me pay for the pizza. $251.58 plus tax.
I paid for them with a credit card I found in the Rolls-Royce. They arrested me and put me in a cell with lots of scary looking dudes. Normally I would have been afraid but I had 42 pizzas with me. I only got slugged by one guy. I understand completely. He was lactose intolerant.