I don’t think horseback was meant for me. Heather and I went. I was putting the saddle on when the instructor yelled, “You’re putting it on backwards!” I said, “How could you possibly know that? You don’t know which way I’m going.” Class dismissed.
I’ve had several attempts at riding horses, one of which one was good. That’s because we just lazily walked on a beautiful trail. It was awesome. The other three times were incredibly awful. I don’t know if you’re aware of this but men have certain body parts that do not bode well when slamming up and down on a saddle.
Those other three times I mentioned always finished in a gallop. The instructors thought it was funny. I wanted to kill them. I probably would have if I could have moved. Adding insult to injury, they gave me big bags of ice to put on my crotch. The new riders that came to the ranch were laughing at me.
I would not have been tough in the wild west. I can’t ride a horse, fight well and I’ve only fired a pistol one time, missing the target badly and being knocked unconscious from the kick back of the firearm. I had a concussion. I think I would have been one of those meek shopkeepers that stays of of trouble.