Last night Heather said, “I think we’re a good couple.” I told her that I do too, then asked her what prompted to say that. “She said, I was thinking about stabbing you a couple of days ago but decided not to.” Yikes!
Is this what it’s come down to? They should just go ahead and add it to normal wedding vows. “And do you, Gertrude take Clyde to be your lawfully wedded husband, to have and to hold, for richer or poorer (Heather hesitated on that one) in sickness and in health, forsaking all others so long as you both shall live and not die at the hands of each other?”
Now there’s your wedding vows. Let me add a disclaimer here because I’m not making light of the epidemic of domestic violence. It’s horrible. But what if Heather decided that our relationship is not that great anymore? I know! There are so many ways to make it happen. Antifreeze, prescription med overdose, a hammer.
Ok, the next time she’s angry with me, you’ll be able to find me at… Wait, that would be really stupid to let people know where I’m going to hide out. She’ll most likely choose to look at the library because I never go there. Ha! Maybe her mom’s house, because I don’t go there. She’ll never find me!