I’m Not Going To Resign!!!

Due to my tweet about shooting my neighbor yesterday, the city is demanding that I step down from being caretaker of my two toy schnauzers. The dogs have no opposable thumbs and one only has six teeth. What are they going to do, bark someone to death?

I think I’m going to close my Twitter account. So many people have lost their jobs, friends and freedom because they clicked on the Tweet button while either drunk or in a crazy rage. I’m pretty sure Rosanne Barr was the latest celebrity to go down in flames, taking a lot of innocent people down with her.

My dogs, Sammy and Maggie each have Twitter accounts and I’m getting a little worried because I recently overheard Sammy telling Maggie that Lassie, Toto and Hooch were nothing more than no talent lunk heads and that internet sensation Boo had a face lift. If she tweets that, the animal world will go nuts.

And what about birds?? Some of them can talk, and that’s dangerous. What if an angry politician’s parrot calls a press conference and repeats what he’s heard around the dinner table or on the phone? No one ever thinks they make things up, they automatically think the owner said it. Unfair. There has to be some birds with chips on they’re shoulders. Actually, they don’t really have shoulders or chips. Sunflower seeds on their breaks.

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