I’m Fat??? Really???

Last night I was standing in front of the bathroom mirror. Heather and I have been married for 20 years now and I asked her if she would still love me when I’m old and fat. She said, “Don’t be ridiculous, Jerry. I’ve been doing it for the last ten years.”

I think men and women view themselves completely different when they see themselves in a mirror. Women have a tendency to look at their flaws. They freak out because of things like crows feet, which most podiatrists could probably fix in no time. Also too much facial and body hair.

There’s the joke that goes, ‘Women will be equal to men when they can walk outside with a beer belly and no hair and still think they’re sexy.’ Then there’s the derriere. They are obsessed with it’s size. Men don’t care. The only thing we check out in the mirror is our receding hair line, our biceps when we flex them and the size of something else. That’s it. You’ll never hear a man complaining to his buddies about the size of his butt. Ever.

Ladies do it all the time. I think they have been programmed their entire lives to look like fashion models or glamorous movie stars. Ridiculous. I like it when my wife and I eat out and she has a ribeye and baked potato or a really good cheeseburger. You go, Honey. I love you.

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