Some friends of mine and I go cow tipping once in a while. I always tip 15% unless the service is outstanding; then I tip 20%.
It’s great to milk the cow when she’s laying down because that way you get sideways milk. There’s upside down milk which is the best because it’s so rare. I mean how do you milk a cow that’s upside down? There’s only one family on earth who can do it. They are the anti-gravity tribe from a small island near the equator. They’ve been doing it for more than a century. Awesome milk!
Back to tipping. Two awkward scenarios come to mind when I think of tipping. First, there is a very important rule for tipping performers or any coffee shop with a tip jar. You must always be sure that the employee or performer actually witnesses the gesture. After all, we’re usually trying to help the person out but we need our props too.
The other scenario is when you have no cash to tip in an absolute tipping situation. At Starbucks I always use my debit card and usually have a couple of dollar bills in my pocket (that’s all I get because I’m a married man) for a tip. But if I’m out of cash there can be no tip because the card processes automatically with no chance to tip.
I feel the need to explain to the employee why I was unable to tip them. The more I try to explain, the more awkward it becomes. Finally, completely embarrassed, I sit down at a table and wait for my latte with a little something extra in it. Oy with the tipping already.