Years ago I was walking on a beach at sunset with my girlfriend. She said, “You remind me of the ocean.” I said, “Why, because I look great and I’m romantic?” She said, “No, because you make me sick.”
Sometimes complete honesty is overrated. In fact, it can really hurt some people. Imagine if (as Jim Carrey did in the film ‘Liar Liar’) you had to be completely honest with everyone for 24 hours. I don’t think it would end well for me like it did in the movie.
I think that I would lose most of my friends, my family and probably get my behind kicked several times, and that is just counting my wife. I know! It wouldn’t be pretty. Women are always saying they just want someone who is honest with them. Translation: I want someone who will tell me what I want to hear, all of the time.
I digress. I think my only chance to keep my friends, family and marriage would be to lock myself in my basement or attic for the duration. The problem is that I don’t have a basement or an attic. So I don’t think I have a chance unless I go to a wax museum and act like I’m on display. I don’t think people talk to the wax figures.
I just have to practice holding my breath for hours at a time. Anyway you look at it, I wouldn’t survive. So those of you who cast spells or practice voodoo, please have mercy on me.