Last night after going to bed I realized that I forgot to unplug the inflatable Santa on our porch. It was late so I just went out in my boxers. A car pulled in the driveway to turn around, the headlights completely illuminating the porch. Busted, although I think honking the horn was a little over the top.
It’s a terrible feeling being caught in a compromising position. I think we feel completely helpless and vulnerable. I’ve known people who got drunk and urinated in public and we’re arrested. Not only was the arrest embarrassing, but standing before a judge in a packed courtroom where there is certainly someone who knows you (that’s how these things work) to answer for your ‘crime’.
After a stand up comedy gig, I was getting some fresh air in the parking lot of the hotel. I heard some commotion and looked up. I saw three naked behinds morning the traffic on the very busy street. They were laughing and seriously drunk. The guys who did it were at the show and helpless relentlessly until I had no choice but to completely humiliate them to get them to shut up.
The mooning caught the attention of a nearby cop who quickly went up to their room and busted all of them for indecent exposure. As they were being put into patrol cars I couldn’t stop myself from going to them and saying, “I tried to warn you guys that you were butt ugly.”