With all of the ‘Porch Pirates’ stealing gifts, I think they should have to dress like a real pirate. Eye patch, gross teeth (although I’m pretty sure most of them already have meth mouth); the works. And when they’re caught, they would have to walk the plank 15 feet high into a kiddie wading pool.
That might deter these scoundrels from stealing Christmas presents from people. They’re like the Grinch only they are cowards. Surveillance cameras have proved to be useless because these dirt bags wear hoodies and attack so fast that you never see their faces.
There’s another possible solution. Wrap a box like a present and put it in a shipping box and then leave it on the porch for a few days. What is in the wrapped gift? Dog poo. I know! That would be hilarious! I’m going to do it. I suggest we all do it.
Or maybe fill the box full of confetti and rig a small, harmless explosive device just strong enough to spread confetti everywhere. Or maybe super glue the box to the porch. That would be fun to watch. How about wrapping up a tarantula? That might cause them to abandon their crooked ways and force them to take a shower after soiling themselves. Let’s have some fun!