At a store last week the cashier was having a bad day. The register ran out of receipt tape and then she dropped a roll of quarters. My order was $22 even and I was trying to calm her down. I said “Well that’s around figure.” She said, “Yeah, well you’re not so skinny yourself.”
This is a bad time of year to try to lose weight. My hat is off to those who can, which is weird because I don’t even have a hat. It seems like from Thanksgiving through New Years Day there are no low fat foods to be found anywhere. It’s like they’ve all disappeared. Then suddenly right on January 2nd, that’s all you hear about.
For two months all we’ve seen in TV ads are kitchen gadgets that can help cook wonderfully fattening comfort foods for the holidays, the exception being that annoying guy who is always hawking “My Pillows”. Somebody’s gonna end up smothering that dude with one of them.
Right after the New Year we start getting baraged with shameful ads for diet plans and exercise equipment. Make up your mind! It’s not fair! First you lure us in with delicious meals and tasty treats and then bam, here comes the guilt trip for enjoying yourself. For the system to really work, we need to move around some holidays. Switch Thanksgiving with Independence Day when it’s hot and you don’t feel like eating so much.
That way, instead of a 23 pound turkey, you just buy a rotisserie chicken from the supermarket and make some potato salad and you’re done. Somewhere there are a whole bunch of turkeys crossing their toes. I just think it would be easier for us all. I think I’ll run for president and that will be my political platform. I’d appreciate your vote!