My Bananas Are Brown Already???

I love bananas, except when they begin to get spots on them, which happens at a very rapid pace. Once they’re spotted, they turn brown and are gross. Come to think about it, I hate bananas.

Beside being of an odd shape, which can be kind of fun, they hold great nutritional value. Bananas are very high in potassium, which is an important element for the human body. I don’t know why and, frankly, I don’t care. Why? Because there are so many fun things to do with bananas.

You can walk at the mall, down a crowded sidewalk, any where there is a crowd, really, and pretend it’s a phone. To make it really funny, you have to be having a heated discussion with your make believe caller. Just be sure you’re nowhere near a police station or psych ward.

Another really fun thing to do is walk among a crowd, mumbling loudly, I can’t get this thing to work! Eventually, a good samaritan will stop to help you and begin peeling the banana, which is your cue to start yelling, “You broke it! You completely broke it! Now, how is the mother ship supposed to find me? I’m going to be stuck on this planet forever, because of you”! Drop to your knees and weep.

Another great thing to do is to wear a western holster with a banana in the it on either side, where the guns usually go. Then pick out men and say,” I’m calling you out, mister. Tonight at six o’clock, right here in the street”.

Keep in mind that any of these pranks can get you committed for a while, which is ok, because guess what they serve in there? Bananas! You get to start fresh!

I like to use a banana as a pretend firearm. Its great fun to walk into a bank, brandishing only the banana, and yell, “This is a stick up”! After everyone falls to the ground and the security guard has his service weapon pointed right at your head, you say,” Come on, man. It’s a banana”! You will then be roughly thrown to the ground and hauled off to jail, where you will have a psych evaluation and end up back in the psych ward. Full circle.

Disclaimer: I am a professional. Do not perform any of the pranks found in this blog.

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