You Said It Was Free!!!

Yesterday I was arrested at a Jimmy John’s Sandwich franchise. When the sign said “Free Smells” I didn’t realize that it was just for the food. That lady was really ticked off!

It really wasn’t my fault at all. They’re the ones who put the great big neon sign in the window, not me. In fact I think I’m going to sue the owners for suggesting the idea. Plus, I only sniffed her hair and perfume, so it wasn’t that intrusive really.

The restraining order the woman filed was completely unnecessary and now not only am I deprived of the Free Smells, I can’t get food there anymore. Not fair. I’m stuck with Subway now, and I don’t really care for them. Well not then personally, just the whole process and the finished product.

Another thing really bothers me about Subway. When you’re being moved down the line like cattle to the slaughter, there is a big “sneeze guard” protecting the food from YOU! I know! The only people I’ve ever seen sneeze are the employee. That sneeze guard is backwards!

One last thing. When I’m asked what I would like, I tell the person exactly what I want. All of it right up front. As I’m moving with the other cattle, the employee asks me, “Do you want this?” I say “No, I want roast beef and swiss cheese. That’s all.” But the kid continues to ask about every item anyway. By the time he is ringing up my lunch I want to throat punch him.

It’s a sandwich. Take my order and make it. Simple. I feel better now. Uh oh, the cops are at my door. Gotta go.

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3 thoughts on “You Said It Was Free!!!

  1. Great comments on Subway. (Do the staff really care if you ‘enjoy’ or are going to have a pleasant day?)
    As for the sniffing and the restraining order:
    ‘You’re honour. I submit this order is unfair. Firstly Studies into the perceptual correlates of sniffing on human olfaction did not reach the mainstream scientific community until the 1950s. Frank Jones, an American psychologist, published a paper demonstrating the interplay between parameters of sniffing and odor detection thresholds. He found that deep sniffs, consisting of a large volume of air, allowed for consistent and accurate detection of odors. Therefore the subject is still not fully understood. Secondly: Max Mozell published a series of studies wherein he further proposed that the flow rate and the sorption properties of odorants interplay to affect the location of odorant binding to olfactory receptor neurons in the nose and consequentially odor input to the brain Later, evidence that single neurons in the olfactory bulb, the brain’s first relay station for odor information, are entrained with respiration was presented, establishing a solid basis for the control of odor input to the brain and the processing of odors by sniffing. I must therefore ask the court to re-consider this order’
    None of this proves anything but the lawyers at hand will respect the amount of inconsequential verbage and will move the order is removed, so they can argue over it for years and publish papers on it. The judge will want to get to lunch.

    Liked by 1 person

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