I Think I’m Cixelsyd!!!

My brother is dyslexic but when we were kids he didn’t know it because his name is Bob. 

I’m not kidding you, this kid was a mess. We had to start calling him Fred, well Derf so he could get it. He’s still messed up. Last week he called me at three in the morning! I know! I said “Derf, it’s three in the morning!” He said he couldn’t help it because he was sure that he had been followed for weeks now and was really upset about it. I said, “Derf, you’re a tour guide!” and hung up. 

I was messed up too. I blame the original Superman TV show. Superman is standing there with his hands on his hips, with bullets bouncing right off of his chest. Then the bad guy runs out of ammo, throws the gun and Superman ducks! I know!

So I started doing drugs. Not illegal stuff, mind you. That would be a terrible choice for a six year old. I started mixing things I could find in the house. I settled on Valium, birth control pills and geritol. I called it “screw it all”.

I’m was messed up! I even snorted Midol for a while. Well after all it was the worst period of my life! 

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