I’m So Shocked!!!

I am so lost and disillusioned. Turns out that the Kardashians are really not what we saw on TV! I know! I’m still bitter from discovering that TV wrestling is fake. What’s next, Roller Derby is fake too?

There are so many things that have hit me hard in my life and the ones in the previous paragraph are just a few. Finding out there is no Santa Claus last year was devastating. I’m still in therapy dealing with the Easter Bunny and Tooth Fairy. 

I no longer know whom or what to trust, other than God and my wife. And my psychic. Oh, and my pet psychic. I would have never known that my dogs craved affection from me were it not for her. And my friend Al Bundy. No one can tell me that he’s not real. He comes over for coffee every Tuesday. I always tell him he looks a lot like Jay on “Modern Family”. He gets a real kick out of it.

Some people I know are always mentioning “Nut Job”, which makes me furious because they never tell me how to apply for it. I think it would be really cool to work at a place that sells peanuts because, well who doesn’t love peanuts? Only people with allergies to them. I would have job security because I’ve never heard of a nut company going out of business. Sweet! I think there’s one in Bellevue. I’ll apply there first and let you know how it goes. Wish me luck!

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