I firmly believe I have the answer to one of our nation’s greatest problems. I want to make it illegal to own a goldfish. Not multiple goldfish, just a single fish. They live alone, have no privacy and generally don’t live very long because they’re owned by forgetful kids.
I love goldfish. They’re beautiful creatures, to be sure but they seem to be treated like throw away pets. Some people even flush them down the toilet when they croak. Wait a minute, frogs croak. Poor frogs and gold fish. Ok, frogs would no longer be able to croak. See? Two decisions just like that. I would be good!
And what about Sea Monkeys? They are dehydrated to a powder and “reborn” when added to water in their special magnified bowl! This is an amazing breakthrough! I would immediately have our best scientific minds begin working on a way to do this for people.
Can you imagine pouring someone’s ashes into a bathtub and “poof”, the person is alive again! The problem is age. Some people just want to “move on” when they reach a certain age. Bringing them back might really anger them. There would be an elderly backlash like we have never seen. Ok, scrap that idea.
But you have to admit that the goldfish and frog ideas are awesome! I’m Jerry Mabbott and I’d appreciate your vote.