I’m Not Speaking To You!!!

Heather and I argued and weren’t talking to each other. I realized I needed to wake up at 5 am and needed her to take me to the airport. I didn’t want lose so I wrote a note, “Please wake me at 5:00 AM.” I woke up at 9 am! Then I saw a note on my nightstand that read “Its 5 am. Wake up.”

If you’re a married man, never try to outwit your wife. It can’t be done. Even if you succeed once, you will still lose in the long run. I’m convinced that’s why so many sitcoms feature married couples where the guy does something he thinks is brilliant but it never works out. Everyone can relate. 

I gave up a long time ago after getting busted so many times – and still hearing about it today. Its that intuition thing. It’s powerful. Scary powerful. I love hot dogs. They are one of my favorites but they’re not healthy and certainly do not help when you’re supposed to be losing weight. 

No matter. On my way home most any day, I would stop at a convenience store and get a hotdog. I would eat it in the car. Sometimes I would forget to get rid of the package and I would put it under the seat to throw away later. It was my car so it was ok. Wrong. 

Once in a great while Heather would need to use my car and of course I had long since forgotten about the food wrappers. Busted big time. So I changed my MO. I began throwing them away in the trash outside. Stupid. That didn’t last long. I always took the trash out but forgot that she might have things to throw away too. 

So then I did something fool proof! I would throw away the wrapping at the store! Brilliant! Not so much. She noticed crumbs on the seat. I finally gave up. You just can’t win those types of games. Ladies are just too smart and eerily intuitive. 

Click here for fun to last a long time!

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2 thoughts on “I’m Not Speaking To You!!!

  1. On entering marriage a man should realise ‘Yes dear/honey’ are most important words. He should then learn the various inflections in saying those words. Just monotoning them is only going to get you into trouble. He can them graduate to ‘You’re quite right’, though this one has to be said with the correct moderate body language, such as a brief nod of the head or an expression suggesting ‘Heck I wish I’d thought of that’
    And when settled with these life-saving statements a man is ready for the supreme effort of when all else fails…..
    ‘Sorry I was wrong’- not for the faint-hearted.
    Getting a Quiet Life is hard work!

    Liked by 1 person

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