I’m going to hire protesters to picket outside my house because I’m not allowed to put my feet on the coffee table. This deeply offends me. There’s a camera in our house so Heather can watch me. She says its because of seizures. Right.
Actually, we don’t own a coffee table or have a camera in the house. I lied about it all. It was fake news. I also deleted thousands of emails just so Heather won’t find out what I wrote. Ok, I didn’t send the emails. It would take me years to send out that many emails.
I need to protest something. Everyone else is doing it and I’m getting the itch. I’ll see a doctor tomorrow for the itch, but today I protest!! I just need to find a cause. I’ve got it! I don’t think its right to put up cameras to catch us violating a traffic law and simply send us a ticket.
What if the citation ends up in some other person’s mailbox? I’ll miss my deadline to pay and have a warrant of which I’m unaware. You can imagine the rest. I have a car full of dignitaries. I don’t know why and I don’t even drive but it’s my story so it doesn’t matter.
I get pulled over and arrested for the warrant, the dignitaries are disgusted and immediately reject my multi-million dollar proposal to sell cheesecake flavored rice in their countries.
Then I go to court and the judge’s wife made him eat oatmeal for breakfast, which he hates. So he takes out his anger on the plaintiffs. One by one he issues stiff penalties, but when I tell him this is not fair. He sentences me to six months in the county jail.
I have to join a gang for protection and carry a shiv. I get caught with the shiv and have to do another six months in solitary confinement and lose my mind. All because of one of those stupid cameras. Naturally, you can see my need to protest. Will you join me?
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