Who Turned Out The Lights???

I have ten thousand pairs of special glasses to protect your eyes during today’s eclipse. They’re free. Its really not that generous because I give them out each Spring and Summer to anyone who is going to be around me while I’m wearing shorts. One unprotected glance can cause eye damage worse than the eclipse. 

So today is the big day. I’ve been researching the best way of watching the eclipse. It came down to watching the image either seeing the image on the sidewalk through a pinhole of a paper plate or wearing the box thing on my head. I have chosen to wear the the box. After all, I wouldn’t want to look silly. 

With my luck, I’ll get sunburned during the eclipse. I think I might be the only human being who can get sunburned in the dark. I’m so fair skinned that I got a second degree sunburn by opening the refrigerator. I don’t tan. I stroke. You get the idea. 

Some people are saying that they will actually watch the eclipse through their cell phone but I’m concerned about that because if my cell phone loses its eye, then what? The NSA and other organizations wouldn’t be able to use video surveillance on me through my phone. That’s just not fair to them because you know they’re going to find a way to get it done anyway and at the taxpayers expense. So I’ll just save them the money and the hassle and keep my phone out of the sun during the eclipse.

Authorities have not deemed it safe for either your cellphone camera nor your eyes to view the eclipse through it. Please check for precautions and dangers before attempting. We recommend that you do not watch it with your phone’s camera.

Only two hours from now. Don’t fry your eyes. Seriously. Please be careful!

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One thought on “Who Turned Out The Lights???

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