What Is It Already???

When my wife was in labor, they had a magician go around to try to distract the Moms. I asked him how he did a card trick. He said “I could tell you but I’d have to kidnap you, never to be seen again. I said, “Actually, my mother-in-law demands to know!”

As I sit here on pins and needles, I actually think would be impossible unless your entire backside was totally numb, waiting for the arrival of yet another grandchild, I can’t help but reflect on the births of my other children. Today I will be a grandfather eight times over. I’m so blessed. 

I really believe the birthing process can play a vital role in a child’s mental and emotional conditioning in life. At least that’s what Rosanne Barr says so it must be true. For example, as the doctor held up my son to give him a swat to start the crying, he slipped out of the doctor’s hands. 

The following week, he robbed his first bank, which was great because we needed the money to pay off the hospital. I do think that knocking off liquor stores for years after was sort of overkill. 

My reasoning for his behavior is sound, I think because his sisters were not spanked. No criminal records. On the other hand, Eric went to the joint when he was only five, which completely hardened his heart. He was like The Grinch without the green hair. He was paroled at age seven and finally settled down. 

He got a job as a dishwasher at a local greasy spoon diner, saved every penny and then bought a casino in Elko, Nevada. He had finally gone legal and I am still proud. Eventually the casino went belly up, which was no surprise because it was in Elko. 

He then became a Christian and went to seminary, got a few degrees and is now the pastor at a Presbyterian church in Bailey, Mississippi. They still have bingo nights because that’s the way he controls his 33 year old gambling addiction. Just kidding. He’s a very fine pastor and I’m very proud of him. 


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Twitter: @jmabbott

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