I Said I’m A Medium!!!

Last week I went to see a psychic. He was clearly a fraud because he is a large man claiming to be a medium. 

Some psychics charge you for missed appointments, which is ridiculous because they should have seen it coming and rebooked the time slot. I know a lot of you swear by psychics but they creep me out. Especially tarot cards. The medium could tell you anything and unless you are very well versed on the cards, how would you know?

Mine would probably go something like this, “You will prosper greatly in your current endeavor and – uh oh – (which is something you don’t want to hear from your psychic, surgeon, dentist, pilot or IRS auditor) things will suddenly go very wrong. Your business will fail, your wife and kids will leave you and you will be kissed on the mouth by a rabid Tasmanian Devil. That will be $50 and please don’t come back.”

I’m certain it would go something like that.  The really strange thing is that it is very easy to fool gullible people. On my morning radio show, I announced that I was psychic and dared someone to call in so I could prove it. A young lady named Becca called in. 

I said, “Becca, you have a good friend who’s name is… I’m getting the letter S”. Becca told me her best friend was named Sarah. I continued. “Yes, I’m getting that. In fact you recently had a fight with her, but you’ve made up and everything is going well now.”

Becca was stunned. “How could you possibly know that?” I told her there was more. “You’re in college, but there is something else you’d rather do instead of taking the path you’re following.” Becca was stunned and said I was amazing. I said, “Not really, Becca. I’m full of crap. 

I think most all women have a friend who’s name starts with an S. And who doesn’t fight and make up with their best friend? It is a college town and she was about 19, so it was a great possibility that she was going to school. And finally, who among us doesn’t have a fantasy of doing something we consider bigger and better than our plan?” Simple stuff, right?

There was a time, however, when something happened that caused me never to mess with that stuff ever again. We had a psychic named Alice who would call in on Mondays and take calls, which were almost always the same. “Will I have more babies? Will I get the job? Will we move into a bigger house?” You get the idea. 

One Monday Alice called in sick. So I decided to play “Psychic Alex”. As I took the calls I was very sarcastic. I would answer the baby questions by saying “No, you will not have anymore babies. In fact, you’re barren. No, you’ll never get a promotion, etc.”

One lady called in and asked if her husband was going to get the promotion he was up for. I said, “No. In fact your husband is going to get fired and you’ll move to New York.” About a month later we got a call from a woman who wanted to speak to the psychic. We explained that Alice is only on Monday and she said that she wanted to speak to psychic Alex. 

We got “Psychic Alex” to talk to her. She told me I was amazing. It was the woman whom I told that her husband was going to be fired and they would move to New York. She was so excited to tell me that her husband did get fired, and that he just landed a great new job in (gulp) New York! I hung up and never did it again. That was crazy. 

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2 thoughts on “I Said I’m A Medium!!!

  1. When I worked in the good old UK Civil Service we were very unsympathetic to professional psychics. If any complained about something we did: eg Large Tax Bill- our first response (not to their faces you understand) would be ‘Well you should have known it was going to happen’

    Liked by 1 person

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