Valentines Day Massacre!!!

Valentine’s day is the worst day for men. We have to jump through so many hoops to try to give her what she wants, and even if we get it right, there’s no guarantee we’ll get what we want.

You have to buy the flowers. You must buy candy and you must take her out to dinner. Those are normally non-negotiable. Then there’s the gift. Crud, if any one of these things go haywire, you’re in serious trouble. Seriously, everything must be done correctly. The flowers, for example, need to be sent to her workplace, not at home. Why? To make the other women jealous. Don’t even bother sending them to the house.

And, they better not be cheap. If you send cheap flowers to her workplace, don’t even bother coming home. That will only embarrass her, and you don’t want to do that. Even if you nail everything else, your screwup is what you’ll hear about for the rest of your days.

The other thing I despise about that day, is if you are dating someone, and you’re planning on breaking up with her, its impossible to find an appropriate card. They all say that you’re madly in love with her, can’t live without her, etc. That’s just not fair, because you have to give her a card. So how do you get things done well without breaking up with her on such a romantic day? I think there should be cards available like this.

Honesty is the best policy, right? Wrong. If you were brave enough to give her a card like that one, be prepared to enter the witness protection program because you are a dead man. If she doesn’t get you, her friends will.

So, you give a girl you no longer care for a card that tells her she’s the only one for you. The question then is, how long must you wait until you can break up with her after the holiday? Only women know and you’re going to be labeled a jerk anyway, so I say maybe a month. That seems appropriate to me. But I’ve been married four times. What do I know about women?

See you tomorrow.

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