I remember the old days when garbage disposals were only black and white. I recall how excited I was when my Dad brought home the… Oh wait. Wrong item….
What was I talking about? Yes disposals! Remember the days when you couldn’t even put coffee grounds in one? Cowardly and weak machines, they were. No more! The thing will eat anything now. It even belches! I swear, it actually belches. In fact, it’s so strong you have to wear safety goggles to use it.
Egg shells, pizza, popcorn, legos, it will cut anything. I once put my annoying neighbors tires in there. They’re still looking for them. No problem. I trimmed my trees this morning and used the thing as a wood chipper! Bam – gone! I might have a difficult time explaining all of the sap on the counters and in the sink, but I’ll come up with something. Maybe a polterguist. Nah, she’d want to move. That’s how I got rid of my Christmas tree this year.
Just in case Aaron Eames, the world’s greatest landlord its readings this today, I don’t really put egg shells in it. He spared no expense on appliances. Our microwave oven is so strong, it actually heats up things in the refrigerator. I swear its true. The refrigerator light is so strong, every time I open it I get a sunburn.
But the disposal is the best. I think I saw a piece of Jimmy Hoffa in there. No accusations, just an observation. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have some pallets to get rid of.
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