Please Stop Hitting Me!!!

At one of my nephew’s football games last year, I heard a guy say, “See that teen-ager over there? I can’t tell if it’s a boy or a girl.” The other person said, “That’s my daughter.” The guy said, “Oh, I’m so sorry. I had no idea you were her father.” The other person said, “I’m not. I’m her mother!” Wanna get away?

That’s a mistake you obviously wouldn’t want to make and it’s better to just say nothing at all. Some people may be able to laugh it off, while others will be very upset about it and either physically or verbally abuse you. You just have to take your lumps. You might be able to get away with one or the other, but certainly not both.

Its sort of like being in a Southwest Airlines commercial. Their “Wanna get away?” commercials are very funny. They’re all based on very ill timed comments. Like the one where the lead singer of a rock band says “Thank you, Detroit!” and there was a deafening silence because they were in Dallas. Funny.

I’ve made bad mistakes as a comedian in situations too. Once, I was just moving into my relationship material when it happened. I was performing in Utah where people get married very young. Long engagements are rare. My show was very interactive and I used to always find a young couple who were obviously dating and say something like, “Dating? What’s wrong with you? This is Utah, you should be married with a couple of kids by now. Here’s my impression of a second date in Utah… Dearly beloved…”

Very funny. One night I chose a young couple in the front row and started into my bit. I asked why they weren’t married yet. One of them said, “It’s not legal here.” Stopped me cold in my tracks while the audience roared. I apologized profusely and they were really fun with it.

I am still learning to get control of my speech filters, but let’s be honest. It’s very difficult to avoid embarrassment when you’re always trying to be funny.
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2 thoughts on “Please Stop Hitting Me!!!

  1. Oh very true!
    Back in the early 70s I had this one quite mild religious joke about someone going to Heaven. St Peter explains each belief has their own room, he says ‘Here’s where the…. are’ and so forth. Finally he comes to one room puts his finger to his lips and tip-toes past. The newbie asks ‘Why’ and St Peter says ‘Ah that’s where the….. are. They think they are the only ones here’
    Several times I told that joke, changing the sect/faith and each time with amazing mis-begone accuracy would have offended someone by choosing their own religious path as the punchline….I gave up on it.
    I now restrict myself to Catholic in-jokes about Cardinals and the Vatican hierarchy.

    Liked by 1 person

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