You Idiot!!!

Heather wanted a Pebble watch this year and prefers a heavy metal band rather than the leather one that comes with the watch. My neighbor gave me an idea for a gag gift. I took her old Pebble watch and super glued a Metallica CD to the face of it. Wait for it….


I’m your typical guy, which means I screw up every Christmas, birthday and anniversary presents. Among other wrong items, I bought her a complete car detail. With a Groupon. Bad move. I might just as well given her a chainsaw.

I think the problem is that I just don’t listen intently enough. Most guys don’t, and that’s my problem. I’ve heard her say she would love to have her car completely detailed, so it looks new. I nailed it! Or so I thought. Not even remotely close.


Several years ago she also needed a watch. I know Fossil makes a good one, so I got her one similar to the one I got her last time, with a different look. I heard two things: how much she loved the Bullova I gave her last time, and that she wanted something bigger and funkier. I’m not good with funkier, so I went the more conservative direction. Bad move.

I’m not criticizing my wife. She nails it for me, always. She really listens. She’s awesome at it. I’m not. I need to be. I need help. I know I have a large female audience, and I need a volunteer to help me out. Someone to bounce ideas off of before I screw things up again.

Her birthday is coming up in a month, then our 19th wedding anniversary, then Valentine’s day a week later. I need help!

Please, I need a female volunteer that she doesn’t know to help me. That chainsaw is looking pretty good right now… volunteers?

I can already feel the noise tighten.

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Facebook: Jerry Mabbott
Twitter: @jmabbott

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