I Can’t Breathe!!!

I finally got a CPAP machine so I could stop snoring. My wife says she really likes it. I said, “Oh, you’re happy I can finally sleep in our bed again”? She said, “No. It will give me practice for pulling the plug”. Yikes!


CPAP machines are supposed to make you sleep better. I’ve had mine for a couple of weeks and it has worked great except for a few nights. Last night was one of them. What a miserable night. Rather than just giving up, I kept trying to use the thing. Stupid.


I think I need to change a filter or something. I’m going to wait a while to check it out because right now I would probably throw it out. I was so tired that I feel asleep while scrambling eggs. The frying pan woke me up in a hurry. Ouch!


CPAP is an acronym for ‘Continuous Positive Airway Pressure’. I think it should be ‘Can’t Possibly Awaken Peacefully’. I must admit that most nights it has worked well, so I shouldn’t complain. But, I’m a comedian and it’s what we do.


Well at least I don’t snore anymore. That’s good for my wife and anyone within a 15 mile radius. I snored loud. Very loud. I once found a note on the front door that just read ‘Cut it out’!! Someone else called animal control thinking there was a dog barking all night. Imagine her surprise to discover it was me! Still, we got a citation for not having a licence for me and I was tranquilized.


I hope this filter change does the trick or I’ll be living on the streets.
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