I Have Two Bullets!!

I think if I were trapped in a room with an angry grizzly bear, a hungry Lion, and a New England Patriots fan, and had a gun with two bullets, I would shoot the Patriot fan… twice.

Ok, imaginary overkill, I know. Sports rivalries are fun unless they are taken too far, and it does happen. I like people who are passionate about their favorite teams, even if I don’t like the team.


I have a friend who is a very devoted fan of the New England Patriots. I am a die hard Miami Dolphin fan, therefore I am obligated to despise my friend on Sunday, Monday or Thursday, depending on the day they play. I just can’t stand the Patriots. Why? They’ve been too good for too long.


I want to dislike Tom Brady, but I can’t. The guy’s a saint. Well, not a New Orleans saint, but just a really good guy. I’ve watched interviews with Brady as the guest and think, “Aha! This time he’ll say something bad so I’ll have a reason to dislike him”. But, it never happens so I can only despise him for being a great quarterback for the Patriots. Of course there was that illegal substance suspension…


The Miami and New England rivalry goes back to the Don Shula era. For example, there was the “snow plow” incident. The Patriots and Dolphins were deadlocked at 0-0 at snow -covered Schaefer Stadium in Foxborough, Mass. on Dec. 12, 1982.


With 4:45 left, Patriots coach Ron Meyer ordered someone to clear a spot for their kicker. The guy drove a snowplow straight across the field plowing a nice clean spot for holder. The kicker booted the 33 yard field goal.

🎥 Vault Keeper: The Snowplow game – NFL Videos – NFL.com

Coach Shula went nuts on the sidelines, but there was no rule banning a snow plow on the field. The Patriots won 3-0, and the normal rivalry of teams in the same division escalated to a bitter and long lasting feud between the players, fans and coaches.


There are more, of course. In Major League Baseball there are huge rivalries between the Los Angeles Dodgers and the San Francisco Giants. These two teams have been duking it out since they were each east coast franchises. The craziness evolved to insanity one day when Giants pitcher, Juan Marichal hit Dodgers catcher, John Roseburo on the head with his bat.


This was no playful tap, it was a full swing, split the melon kind of hit. It’s where Gallagher got the idea for his act. It was so bad that Marichal was suspended for an entire season and had to leave the country to feel safe. Even though I’m a Giant fan, I think Marichal should have been arrested and prosecuted for aggravated assault, at the bare minimum. He could have killed the man.


The New York Yankees and the Boston Red Sox are also bitter rivals. There are many others, in all sports. I heard something once that made a lot of sense to me. “Just remember, in the department store of life, sports is in the toy department”


Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to go crank call my friend, the Patriots fan. See you tomorrow.
My books: Amazon.com 

Facebook: Jerry Mabbott 

Twitter: @jmabbott 

Blog: jmabbott.blogspot.com

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3 thoughts on “I Have Two Bullets!!

  1. Nice opener, I subscribe to your views (as explained a little while ago).
    In the UK a few years back in soccer Manchester United carried all before them (it was down to the genius of their manager Alex Ferguson) and were the objects of great dislike by fans of other teams. It become so inflated that even bitter rivals would wish their traditional ‘foes’ luck if playing against ‘United’. With such encouraging salutations as ‘C’mon you useless lot- do something right for once! (well that was the toned down version)

    Liked by 1 person

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