What Are You, Nuts??

Whoever said that 60 is the new 40 is crazy! The cop that just pulled me over didn’t agree either. 

First of all, I never thought I would live to be 60. I used to tell my friends that I would most likely die before 40. I meant it. Its not that I wanted to, I just refused to slow down. I didn’t want to sleep, so I didn’t. There was work to be done! What, no work? No problem, I’ll create some.

I was out of control. I remember one time, when I was spending a lot of time on the road as a comedian, I stopped at a Circuit City, the company I had worked for when I launched my comedy career. The manager of this store was and still is a dear friend, Frank Gomez. I was talking to some of the sales people that I knew when Frank took me aside and talked to me privately.

He asked me if I was trying to kill myself. I was startled, to say the least. I told him that I wasn’t and he told me to go in the restroom and take a good look in the mirror. I did, and could not believe my eyes! I had lost a substantial amount of weight, my eyes were sunken in and had huge dark circles under them. It was an eye opener.

Thank you, Frank. I know you read the blog. You did what great friends do. You called me out on behaviors that could cost me my life. I went home and slept for an entire day. It didn’t stop me, however. I got up and continued down the road to destruction. I was hooked on work. An addict. I didn’t care. I just ran.

Bob Seeger – Against the Wind

I remember being in the car with two of my children, Sarah and Eric. I was listening to the radio when they played “Running Against the Wind”. About half way through the song, Sarah said, “Daddy, that’s you”! She certainly was not thinking that I was singing the song, she was referring to the lyrics. That hit me hard. The song, for those of you who might not be familiar, is about a guy who is running through life, never stopping or thinking about the consequences. Yep, that was me.

You’re Funny! You Should Be A Comedian!

If it wasn’t intentional, what was causing this behavior? I had no clue, so I went to see a therapist. Talking to a good therapist is awesome. I found that just answering questions brought out so much information. I discovered why I ran like a mad man. My father had told me repeatedly that I would never amount to anything. That drove me to be a workaholic.

Ok, now that I knew, it was no longer his fault. After all, I was a grown man and could therefore make my own choices. I could not use what my father said as an excuse to continue this destructive behavior. I still didn’t stop. I seriously needed an intervention.

Today, as I write this blog, I am disabled because I burned myself out by the age of 50. I suffer from PTSD, accute anxiety and crippling panic attacks. The combination of these issues causes pseudo seizures, which cause me to pass out. If I worry about anything, I’ll have a seizure. If I attempt to plan anything, I’ll have a seizure. There are so many triggers, its ridiculous.

I brought it all on myself, so I only have me to blame and God to thank for His grace and mercy. Don’t get the wrong idea, I’m a happy guy, mostly. I do miss being really busy, but I can’t worry about that. I can only live in the moment. Not a bad place to be.

See you tomorrow.

My books: Amazon.com 
Facebook: Jerry Mabbott 
Twitter: @jmabbott 

4 thoughts on “What Are You, Nuts??

  1. And that is why I wrote the boo “Escape the Lie”.

    On Tue, Sep 6, 2016 at 6:50 PM, Jerry Mabbotts Blog wrote:

    > Jerry Mabbott posted: “Whoever said that 60 is the new 40 is crazy! The > cop that just pulled me over didn’t agree either. First of all, I never > thought I would live to be 60. I used to tell my friends that I would most > likely die before 40. I meant it. Its not that I wan” >

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Courageous post Jerry.
    I salute you as a survivor
    Having a history of my own screw-ups, it resonated strongly.
    We come through but we still carry the scars of our errors, and in the end it’s the looking forward which counts, and being grateful for what we have.
    Once when I was in a bad place a fellow worker said to me “The man who never made a mistake, never made anything”
    Or as one told me
    “Survival is good” (sorry if I’ve told you that; it’s a sort of mantra for me)
    Take care

    Liked by 1 person

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